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TEARING OFF MY REAR VIEW MIRROR

September 2020

Hindsight is 2020.

What does that mean to you? 

I never thought I’d be saying it means, “I’m sick and tired of 2020 and want it to just go away. I want to put it in my hindsight. Behind me. In the past. Finito.” Like Jo Dee Messina’s lyrics: 

Bye Bye love
I’ll catch you later
Got a left foot down on my accelerator
And the rear view mirror torn off
ain’t never lookin’ back 
and that’s a fact

Is there anyone who doesn’t want to shut the door on this year and move to something better? Between deadly viruses, continued violence against people of color, unrelenting fires, hurricanes, economic hardship, forced isolation and the end of the life we knew it, there’s a lot to move past.

There is also a lot to move toward. In fact, when we let the past define us and the present confine us, the obstacles blind us. 

I want to see my way into a better place.

In the “perfect clarity” gleaned from my 2020 experience thus far, I’m using the rest of this year as motivation to move. My move isn’t physical – it’s mental.  

*  *  * 

I’m shifting my focus from hindsight to foresight, and I’m doing it by gaining clarity on three things:  vision, values and volition. 

  • Vision will help me be really specific about what I want my future to look like 
  • Values will be the measuring stick for my choices and a reminder of my priorities 
  • Volition will be my ability to make it happen 

*  *  * 

This focus on foresight has worked for me before.

In the financial crisis of 2008-2010, I found myself being ousted from my last CEO job, battling a health crisis and facing an empty nest. While I could have wallowed in what was done to me and what I lost, I decided to move past my personal year from hell and to visualize the best possible new reality. 

The first thing I did was to think about what I did well and what fired me up. Entrepreneurial leadership was something I couldn’t get enough of. Creativity and fashion were signatures for me, and an important part of my self-expression. And philanthropy, beginning with my efforts to help support a school in Uganda*, had more recently captured my heart. The idea of being part of a movement to make lives better for others became soul-sustaining. 

In 2010, what potential new career opportunity contained all of those elements for me? 

Tom’s Shoes. 

Tom’s was one of the first sustainable fashion brands that had philanthropy as a core part of its business model. It was growing like gangbusters, fashion-forward and provided a win-win outcome for buyers and for recipients of its shoe donations. Wearing Tom’s shoes was a statement about the wearer’s commitment to giving back.

I told everyone I knew that I wanted to be the “Chief Shoe Giver of Tom’s Shoes”. It was my way of putting a new stake in the ground, declaring my intentions and asking for help. 

When you say something out loud and say it often enough, people tend to think of you when that thing (or something like that thing) comes along.

Still, I was shocked when my dear friend Thomas Tighe (who runs Relief International) called me to say, “Anne, you won’t believe the job listing that came across my desk this morning.” 

Sure enough, Blake Mycoskie, the Founder of Tom’s Shoes, was looking for someone to help him run his company. 

*  *  *  

Wouldn’t it be perfect if I said I got that job and started my next life chapter? 

Yes, it would, but that’s not what happened. 

What DID happen is that while I was telling everyone about the perfect job for me and hoping to get leads, I had developed such a strong vision, such clarity on my values and such volition to make a difference that I had already started finding another outlet for my entrepreneurship, creativity and service. Before I learned about the job opportunity at Tom’s, I had given birth to Parlay House. Glinda would have said, “The power was always within you, my dear.”

What turned out to be “perfect” for me was not that specific job, but gaining the clarity and conviction to bring something new to life that benefitted me as well as my community.

As you close the door on 2020, where will you be moving?

I see these next three months as a perfect time to put firm stakes in the ground about our individual and collective vision, values and volition. 

Visualizing a better personal future may help shift the balance to contain more of the initiatives that resonate and feel fulfilling. It might also give us clarity about what we can let go of and leave in the hindsight of 2020.

I hope you’re with me in ripping off those rearview mirrors, leaving 2020 in the dust and moving on to opportunities we have only begun to envision.

*  *  * 

What are your 2020 Headlines? 

Share it Small: As you gain clarity, write your own headlines rather than relying on the old news. ”Woman Single-Handedly Gets 10 Friends to Vote” and “You’re Never Too Old To Start Something New” are ways to validate your thinking and remind you that these positive small steps are actually big news. 

Share it Big: Tell five people you don’t know well what your headlines are. Share them publicly as a way of saying, “Help me and hold me accountable.” I can’t think of much that is more empowering than talking about how we are putting stakes in the ground and helping shape both our individual and collaborative destiny.

Share it with Me: We all learn from each other. If you have had a revelation, a break-through, an insight, or a triumph, we can learn from you so please tell me about it here! I’m collecting stories of these cascades of good for ongoing community building and to track The Parlay Effect in action. I would love nothing better than to hear how you lifted, were lifted, or observed something in others that made you feel good and recognize your own power.

*I continue to be in awe of the work being done by the iHUG Foundation. 

Redesigning Self Love

For our first event of 2021, let’s start off with a bang: strengthening our foundation of self-love.

But we’re not talking about self-love in a traditional way. Our speaker, Board Certified Psychologist, Author, Professor, and TEDx alum, Dr. Kristina Hallett is coming to talk to us about why she begs to differ with the adage that you can’t love others until you love yourself.

An internationally recognized expert in productivity, resilience, communication, self-care, harnessing the positive power of stress, mentoring and living your best life, Dr. Hallett will share her most powerful tools with us to start the year off as authentically and aligned as possible.

Tune in as we reimagine self-love. And know that we’re already rooting for you.

Challenging Conversations & Confrontations

Communication is tough enough on a good day. Add in the stress of a global pandemic and the relationship strains that come with quarantining for weeks on end and it can feel nearly impossible to avoid conflict.

Tune into this Parlay From Away conversation with Wendy Behary – a nationally recognized and esteemed psychotherapist, to learn how to navigate challenging conversations with the people you are close to. This interactive talk with cover the full spectrum of challenging conversations including:

  • Speaking with someone who is arrogant, rude, entitled, or narcissistic
  • What to say to someone grieving / in deep pain or sorrow
  • How to engage with someone being quiet or avoidant

When uncertainty and fear fill us up, it’s only natural to put up our walls and protect what we feel we can still control. With all the unfamiliar transitions we’re going through right now, it’s more important than ever to keep opening up and working on more empathetic and effective communication with others. Authentic connection is the antidote to fear.

View From a Cult

Most of us feel trapped by the restrictions that are keeping us tight in our homes. Many of us feel afraid of the unfamiliar new world and now though the dangers of this virus still remain, businesses are slowly starting to reopen in many cities and we’re not quite sure what to expect.

We hope you will join this week’s Parlay from Away conversation so we can do a double-take on closed communities.

To get the inside scoop on both the allure and the shocking truths of cult life, we are welcoming husband and wife team of Terri Hinton and Will Rogers. They will tell the harrowing story of how they escaped from the cult that held them after 15+ years inside, and talk about the challenges of reentering a completely unfamiliar society: ours.

Tune into this unbelievable conversation.

Be Heard in A Digital World

“Speak your truth” – “Have your voice.”

We hear these bits of advice all the time. But what on earth does it mean exactly, and how do we do it, both effectively and authentically?

Tune in to hear voice and presence expert, Hillary Wicht, as she explores the deeper psychology and transformational power of what it means to find your voice and have more of your authentic self in the world.

With online connections & Zoom calls replacing office meetings and coffee dates, this is the perfect time to dive into what makes us stand out and learn how to adapt our unique strengths to an all-digital space.

Join this conversation to:

  • Uncover what confidence truly is and how to get it
  • Explore best practices that help you to ground and own your value
  • Create an action plan so you can step into your unique brilliance and voice your personal power

Because if you cannot hear your voice, you cannot have your voice. And we could all do with feeling heard more genuinely and more often.

Behind Frenemy Lines: Rising Above Female Rivalry

Women don’t always support each other. There, we said it. While Parlay House is all about connecting authentically and uplifting each other, we know that outside of our safe space, there are very real accounts of female rivalry and competition causing very real pain.

The truth is – we’ve all encountered ‘mean girls’ at one point or another. Our Founder & Chief Instigator even dedicated an edition of The Parlay Effect Newsletter to this exact topic after receiving a wave of requests around what to do when we feel like another woman is trying to tear us down.

Tune in with us and Dr. Amber Tichenor, PhD, expert on Female Rivalry, who will teach us:

  • What female rivalry looks like & why it happens
  • How to overcome it in our personal & professional lives
  • To effectively recognize & regulate our own cattiness
  • How to work together to support other women

As Anne writes in the newsletter above: “The fabulous truth in this day and age is that the size of our shared pie is growing, and more for me doesn’t mean less for you. And vice versa. The more we lift each other to new achievements, opportunities, and experiences, the greater the pie grows. Another woman’s gain is no longer our loss. Another woman’s gain is actually a gain for us all.”

Hypnotic Success Habits

You’ve probably learned that it’s the language we tell ourselves on the inside that dictates the output we experience on the outside, but did you know that you have the power to rewrite the scripts your subconscious mind turns into negative self-talk?

Enter Hypnosis: the natural (though seemingly magical) therapy that allows us to take control of our inner thoughts and beliefs to channel our subconscious power towards achieving our goals instead of allowing it to hold us back.

Our speaker – Richard Barker: The Incredible Hypnotist – has found success treating patients all over the world for a wide array of personal struggles including trauma, PTSD, anxiety, addiction, stunted career growth, weight loss, low self-esteem, smoking, low sex-drive, and more.

Tune in to hear from this two-time Parlay House speaker alum, who will reveal:

  • What hypnosis is and why it’s so misunderstood
  • How to outcast our negative belief systems
  • How hypnotic visualization can help us reach incredible goals
  • How to build & practice hypnotic success habits

We welcome you, your friends and loved ones to join this mesmerizing conversation. With the global climate being what it is, the men in your life are welcome too – as we could all stand to explore new ways to stay positive, focused, and feeling in control of our ability to prosper.

Accessing the Full American Dream

Is college still a path to the American Dream? While there are 1.2 million low-income or first-generation college graduates each year, only one in four will receive a strong first job.

We hope you will tune in as we take a walk with two women of color who made it, hearing about their journeys and shedding light on their paths. They’ll be joined by Aimée Eubanks Davis, founder of Braven, an exceptional organization that empowers promising underrepresented young people to launch successfully into the modern economy. Both of our panelists are Braven Fellows.

 

See ALL Parlay From Away conversations here.

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